We Need More Stories that Depict Black Angst and Awkwardness
Where are our high school and twenty-something shows?
I was at the movies watching the preview for “Dear Evan Hansen.” The movie is about an awkward White teen boy who gets caught up in the attention when a classmate commits suicide. As I watched the preview, I was struck by the issues presented and felt this was another good movie for awkward White teens to watch. But then I thought — what about awkward Black teens?
I was one of those awkward Black teens. I was full of angst and clumsiness. I was bullied during my elementary and middle school years, so I never really learned how to make friends. We didn’t have a lot of shows that helped us deal with bullies, make friends, or learn to speak up for ourselves. I wasn’t raised as a fighter. My mom wasn’t into making scenes on the street or in stores. I had no guidance on how to deal with other kids.
My mom helped as best she could. She would come to school, meet with the teachers, and talk to the other students. That was great when I was in elementary school. But the time I reached middle school, it became embarrassing. I kept my problems with the other kids to myself. I’d plaster a smile on my face and pretend to my mom that everything was ok. Everything was not ok.
I didn’t have an older sibling or a mentor to provide me with words of wisdom — or protection. Mom didn’t want me fighting in school, so I learned to stay out of the kids’ way. I kept my head in books, paid attention in class, and wrote stories. I was happy when I learned I was going to an exam school. My bullies, most of them not being too bright, were going to other high schools. I felt this was my chance to make a fresh start and make friends.
There was just one thing — I didn’t know the way to begin a friendship. I’d introduce myself, talk to other kids, ate lunch with some of them. But for the most part, my first year of high school was a year of awkward missteps. If someone ever builds a time machine, I’d be happy to test it out. I’d go back and change a few things about my high school years.
I didn’t get over my awkwardness until after I graduated high school and went to college. Once again, my plan was to reinvent myself and leave my high schools days behind me. It worked for the most part. I did make friends and I went to a lot of parties. I was young and beautiful. I felt like my life was finally taking shape. Then, I had to leave college because I couldn't afford it anymore.
Over the years, my evolution into the person I am today has been a journey of reexamination. Events in my life have changed who I once was in high school. People have disappointed me. Friends turned out not to be friends. Relationships full of promise turned out to be full of lies. Abuse and neglect warped my senses. Right and wrong became just trying to survive, Survival tactics led to trauma. A sweet little girl full of happiness and innocence transformed into a bitter woman.
Black teens go through angst and awkwardness. We need stories that reflect what we go through. Black teens go through so much more than White teens. Black teens have their problems and then some. If Issa Rae can write a hit show about being insecure, maybe she can write one for the teen set. I’d be glad to help her. I have stories for days.
