Ladies, Don’t Depend on a Man’s Money

Make your own!

When I was a child, I would watch my father give my mother money to help support us. My parents had separated and my father would come by now and again to see us. It wasn’t because he cared about us, it was to feed his ego.

Father would drop by our first-floor apartment on Quincy Street in Dorchester, Mass. Sometimes we would see him once a week. Sometimes we wouldn’t see him for months. Our father missed birthdays and holidays. While it affected us, it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

When he was around, our father would give our mother a few dollars and ask like it was a million. He made such a big deal about giving our mother money. I would watch mom take the money with regret. I could tell that she hated depending on our father.

My mother worked but wasn’t paid a lot of money. She started off as a teacher’s assistant and then got a position as a cafeteria worker. For years, we struggled with her one paycheck. If it wasn’t for food stamps and help from friends in the community, I don’t know how we would have survived.

My mother raised us while she tried to increase her salary at work. She paid the rent (with the help of Section 8), bought groceries, and put clothes on our backs. Our father didn’t help raise his two children. My brother and I were raised by a mother who wanted better for her kids.

As an adult, I learned from my parents that the person with money has the power. My father had the power. My mother had nothing. We struggled with money until I reached my teen years. My mother’s salary increased and things became better financially. But still, we struggled and that struggle shaped how I handled money as I entered adulthood.

I was determined not to be dependent on a man for money. I wanted my own money. Even when I was a child, I made it a point to save the allowance I got from my mother. If she gave me ten dollars, I would save at least half of it. Every coin I had in my piggy bank, I would save and grow. I learned early on that having money gave you power.

By the time I reached college, I had about three or four credit cards. I had a bank account and I was working on campus and back home. I believed that working was the key to getting money. I worked in retail and then at a private company. I had my first salaried job at the age of 19.

Despite my growing income, I hadn’t learned money management skills. No one taught me how to budget my money, at least not properly. Being a young twenty-something, I saved but not a lot. I wanted things and spent my money on clothes, jewelry, and at the club. I paid my bills but everything else was spent on fun.

When I got married, my husband and I could barely afford the wedding. But we received a lot of money as gifts and that helped us get on our feet. I had bought a house and was a homeowner before the age of 30. I had gotten better at saving money. I was working multiple jobs to increase my income.

Over the years, the family finances have been on a rollercoaster. I went to have saved several thousand dollars in my bank account to barely having a few hundred dollars. I became a mom and my money went to raising a family. But as I worked on rebuilding my savings, I saw that my husband wasn’t on the same financial page.

Now, my oldest child is in college and beginning his financial journey. I’ve finally gotten better at saving money, but need multiple streams of income for my bills, My child’s father has made financial choices that threaten everything. I’ve learned from his choices not to depend on a man for money.

Ladies, make sure to have your own. You need to make sure you have money for emergencies. You need to be able to provide for your children. You must have a savings account. You must look at ways to increase your income streams. Don’t depend on your husband, boyfriend, etc. They will let you down and leave you struggling.