How to Get Out of Your Own Way

Some Strategies to Become the Person You Want to Be

I was having a pretty good Sunday — until I checked my email.

When I woke up this morning, I was feeling unmotivated. But since it was Sunday and I had no particular place to be (or so I thought), I decided to ease into the day.

I took mini naps this morning and felt more motivated as the clock ticked closer to noon. I decided to do an on-off approach. I would do some things around the house for 15 minutes and then take a break for 15 minutes. I set my phone and put my plan into action.

In addition, being the 27th, I decided to do at least seven things during the 15 mins. Whether that was picking up seven pieces of clothing, organizing seven art supplies, or putting away seven books, seven was the magic number. I should have spent seven minutes checking my email.

We’re now closing in on 6 in the evening and I finally decided to check my email. Why I didn’t check it earlier, I can’t really answer. I wasn’t planning to check my work email until after 6 and I didn’t see anything pop on my phone to check my personal email. I should have checked anyway.

So, as I went through my email, I saw a message from a woman whom I had messaged last night. I had tickets to a dance performance but there was a conflict. I had messaged the woman asking if I could attend the show on Sunday if tickets were available.

Since my on-off system was working so well, I think that was part of the reason I didn’t check my email. I was feeling productive, throwing away old documents and papers, and cleaning up my work area. It was the first time all week that I felt I had accomplished something.

When I check my email, the woman had responded — this morning. There were so additional tickets for a 3 p,m, show, If I wanted to attend, they were available. I wanted to kick myself.

If I had checked my email earlier, I would have now been seated in the performance center, enjoying some Afro-Latino dancing. But I didn’t and my anger and disappointment have triggered my depression. So much for having a good Sunday.

I’m trying not to enter the deep end of the pool. I don’t want to sulk there. I missed two shows — last night and this afternoon. There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t change the outcome. All I can do is try to do better for next time. There is another event coming up this Friday that I definitely want to attend. I’ll make sure to be there.

Here are some strategies for getting out of your own way:

1. Learn from your mistake. — If you’re trying to attend an event, check your email.
2. Don’t dwell on the mistake. — If you’ve missed the event, it’s ok to be upset but don’t stay there. Be mad and then let it go.
3. Look at the bright side. — What did you accomplish instead? For example, I organized my crafting/writing area.
4. Plan to do better. — You know what you need to do to prevent repeating the mistake. Again, for me, to check my email in the morning.
5. There are always other opportunities. — If you missed the event, there may be other events to attend or the event may have been recorded.

In addition, take deep breaths to calm yourself down. When I realized I had missed another opportunity, I immediately felt my chest get tight and my back start to ache. I was getting into my head which activated my depression. Recognizing that you’re triggered can lessen the depressive period. By writing about what happened, I’m starting to feel better.

It will take time to get to a better mindset. Use these strategies when a situation arises. You will recover more easily from the issue. Breathe. Release. Breathe and release. I’m doing it now.