How to Be a Friend When Your Friend is Going Through It
Sometimes your presence is more helpful than words
I’ve always struggled on how to be a good friend. I knew my friendship parameters — loyalty, trust, and common imterests. In addition, humor was my main go-to for friendship creation and maintenance. Laughter can solve a lot of problems. However, when a good laugh can’t fix the issue, I wasn’t always sure what would.
I guess it would come down to what to say to a person — or not say. Some issues were easier to discuss than others. For instance, I had friends who lost their jobs and I immediately knew how to help them. I’d revamped their resume, send them job listings, and suggest ways to get a side hustle started. If a friend needed fashion advice, I’d go through their closets, look at online retailers, and discuss the aesthetic the friend was trying to achieve. I was in my element in those areas, but other areas were a challenge for me.
One such area is family drama. In particular, if a family member was sick or dying. During my childhood, I had lost an uncle (my mother’s brother). I remember attending the funeral and it was my first time seeing a family member in a casket. My uncle was dressed in a nice gray suit and looked like he was asleep. But he was dead and the concept was hard for me to fully understand. It wasn’t until I was older that I understood death and all its ramifications.
My friends have suffered losses of friends and family members. Often I don’t know what to say. But I learned that just being there spoke volumes. I became the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on, and the comforting presence. I knew when a friend needed me there or just needed me on the phone. Words became unimportant. Actions were appreciated.
Sometimes all someone needs is a hug. Hugs are great. A hug makes a person feel special. A strong hug can free a person from their sadness. The twisted knots of emotion can be relaxed.
So if you’re feeling tongue tied, just be there for your friend or family member. If the person wants to talk, just listen. If the person needs to cry, have the tissues ready. If the person wants to punch a wall, get out of the way and have some bandages on hand. Whatever you do, just be there. It will be remembered long after the hurt has passed.
