Dieting Triggers More Than Just Weight Loss

The Battle of the Bulge versus Depression

Thick thighs. Big butt. Expanding waistline. These are all the things that I deal with on a daily basis. From the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, I have to make a conscious decision about what I eat. Do I have some yogurt or a croissant? Do I have a sandwich or pizza? Do I end my evening with some chicken and veggies or pasta? Sometimes I believe drinking water is the only safe thing I can do for my body.

And that’s what I do — drink water. Since it’s the summer, it’s easy to down a few bottles. I also carry a thermos in my bag which keeps my water cold all day. When I need to refill my thermos, I’m looking for more water. I try to avoid soda at all costs. If I look at a can of Sprite, my weight increases.

Dieting sucks! I hate limiting myself to what I can eat. While I do like grilled chicken and veggies, I also like fried chicken and fries. But if I have french fries I can forget about eating anything else for the rest of the day. That’s when the depression hits. Dieting is a prison and food is the warden.

When my anxiety and depression rear up, I don’t eat anything or I eat junk — chips, cookies, cake, etc. I love chocolate so candy bars are definitely a favorite in my home. Don’t forget the ice cream! During the summer, my freezer is stocked with gallons of ice cream and ice cream sandwiches. When I don’t give a damn, I become a foodaholic.

Once my food frenzy passes and my depression is back under control, I’m full of regrets. I want to lose weight. I hate my stomach rolling over the top of my shorts. I hate having to wear shaping underwear to suck in my belly. I love wearing shorts and skirts but they can’t be too high. I don’t want people to see all the stretch marks on my thighs. So I usually resort to a strict diet and exercise regime which usually lasts for about a month. That’s when I cave and go back to eating badly.

I’m overwhelmed by all the diet programs available. Do I do Keto? Weight Watchers? Noom? Should I just drink water and Slim-Fast shakes? Maybe I’ll just do a diet of fruit and granola bars. Nah. I’ll be stuffing my face by the end of the week. It’s not like I don’t have any self-control. It’s just that when my body feels deprived it affects my mind.

I want to be healthy. I’ve worked with nutritionists and that helped for a while. I lost some weight and felt good about myself. But then the lure of sweets and sugary drinks undid all my progress. I had to start over and the depression returned. I must get my mind and body on the same page. How do I get them to work together?

Weight loss is a journey. A journey I’ve been on with many stops and starts. When I make progress, I feel good and my clothes fit well. I’m giddy when my pants feel loose around my waist. But then my body rebels and I’m at McDonald's, ordering a hot fudge sundae.

I’m not giving up. And this is my message to you, reader — if you’re in the same boat as me, don’t you give up either. We are on this weight loss journey together. We want to be healthier and have more energy. We will avoid sweets and fast food. We will take walks or jump rope. We will drink water and avoid soda. We can do this! Let’s get our minds and bodies in sync!