Classroom Chronicles

To Be a Teacher is to Always Be On

It’s 5 in the morning.

My eyes are blurry.

I need to get up in a hurry.

Clothes to prepare.

Breakfast to make.

The dog to feed. Clean up his crap.

It’s dark outside. Dawn is still asleep.

I wish I were too.

I eat, shower, and dress

I take my medicine and vitamins.

I am depressed. But can’t look like it.

I gather my purse and work bags.

I rush out into the rising light.

Morning is full of cars speeding past my home.

Down the street, a school is welcoming its students.

Parents jam the sidewalk, pulling half-asleep children.

Cars double park in the street, blocking traffic.

I race through the light before it turns red.

I’m already late. So I zip through lights & around cars.

Traffic is moving steadily which is good.

I drive down the boulevard as the sun climbs higher and higher

in the sky. A jogger slows down traffic and cars run red lights

as she makes her way across the street. The police aren’t

around, and people have to get to work. The jogger sends

a dirty look at the passing car but continues her run.

As I continue towards my building, the university comes into view.

On the other side of the highway, the light collides with the buildings.

There’s an accident on the opposite side of the boulevard. A woman sits in

her car. Its rear end is a mangled mess. Bits of metal litter the road.

Behind her, another car sits, airbag deployed, the driver not in sight

as two state troopers' vehicles, flash their lights, and traffic slows, easing around

the scene. I continue to work, arriving a couple of minutes before sign-in is

over.

Don’t want to get that yellow sheet.

Today is an A-schedule. This means I’ll have my older students first. I can

relax with this group. I taught them last year. They know me and I know

them. But I still have to plaster a smile on my face.

All day, I must pretend. My room must be ready. Someone might walk in

to observe me. Someone will be judging every move I make.

Am I prepared? Do I have a good lesson? Is the lesson rigorous? Too easy?

Too hard?

Are the students engaged? Are they sharing their ideas?

What are my teacher's moves? Am I making the right ones?

Smile. Smile. Be positive. Encourage the students. Believe in them,

Even when you don’t. Even when they curse you out. Even when they’re

on their phones during work time, during test time. Even when you give

them options to do well. They still don’t do well. They let you down.

They hate you for caring so much. The students want to do whatever.

School is an annoyance. But you can’t say anything to admin — they’ll say

you’re the problem. The parents won’t return your calls. So much for two-

way communication. You text and email everyone who could help.

Few get back to you. Everyone is busy. Or pretending to be so.

So you keep calm in front of the students. Meanwhile, you’re screaming in

your head. The clock ticks slowly.

The school bell rings like freedom.