Classroom Chronicles

When Joy Turns to Anguish

When I was a newbie teacher I dreamed of turning my student into top-tier scholars. They’d ace my English class and pass the ELA MCAS on their first attempt.

My students would recite poetry and compose speeches. They’d write flowery essays and have fiery debates. The students would discuss local and national issues, sharing their thoughts and ideas for change.

I’d hold spelling bees and writing contests. I’d invite parents to watch their children present reports on authors and books that spoke to them. I’d have guest speakers come to class and share their writing process. I imagined the students would listen with rapt attention, savoring every morsel of knowledge.

Yeah, right.

Reality slapped me in the face.

I’ve been teaching for twenty years. I went from novice educator to veteran teacher. I began my career instructing 9th graders then 11th and 12th graders. When my school imploded, many teachers were scattered across the district. I was placed at a middle school teaching 6th graders than 8th graders. The school merged with a high school and now I’m back teaching 9th and 10th graders.

Thank God. Or so I thought.

One of the things I’ve learned during my career is that 21st-century teens are less capable of abstract thinking. Their ability to imagine and create has been severely diminished due to the rise of cell phone apps and social media. Students have a hard time communicating verbally or in writing. Essentially, teens have become willing hostages to technology.

My teaching career has been full of successes and nightmares. The nightmares have changed how I view education and the profession. There are too many people in my community who don’t give a damn about their education. They’re for the streets.

These people have children who often inherit their parents’ attitudes. The students have a history of poor attendance, chronic tardiness, or severe behavior issues, and often do poorly in their classes. They don’t respect authority and do whatever they want when in school. I’ve witnessed groups of students walking the halls, reeking of weed, and screaming at the top of their lungs.

Their lives are chaotic so they want school to be chaotic.

From cutting class, cussing me out in class, and fighting in class, I’ve seen it all. The experiences have left me with a mess. I’m emotional. I suffer from depression. Not to mention, my physical being has been worn down over the years. I have to take energy tablets just to get through the day!

Many students feel that if they do a day’s worth of work they should be passing the class. Or if they’ve missed half of a term, they should still be able to pass a class. They want all the work they’ve missed even if it’s enough to fill a car’s trunk. When the teacher doesn’t comply the teacher is hit with insults and disrespect.

That happened to me today. One student gave me an attitude because I wouldn’t let her charge her cell phone in class. Another was mad because I told her she couldn’t get makeup work because there was too much to make up. Besides, my class doesn’t operate on you miss most of the term to pass with a week left.

The sense of entitlement is what really irritates me. Especially from students who don’t follow classroom or school rules. They wander the halls, skipping classes, and yelling at anyone who gets in their way. When they’re in class, they’re on their phones, talking, or sleeping. They smell like weed and vape pens. When they’re in the classroom, these students change the whole dynamic of the class. It’s very frustrating.

Admin is no help. It’s like they don't want to do their jobs. They walk around yelling at students, but not explaining why it’s important for them to be in class. Learning is important. Knowledge gives you options. Options lead to opportunities. The students want to make money but don't connect learning to making money.

Even when an opportunity presents itself, some students don’t take advantage of it. We have an early college program at my school. At the beginning of the term. students were all excited to sign up. But they soon realized that what they were signing up for required a commitment. It was a commitment they weren’t even making to their high school classes. At the end of the first college class, despite numerous efforts by me and the university staff, many students failed the class.

This is why joy has left me. I’m tired of trying to help students only to be disrespected and ignored. So many students have disappointed me over the years. These students' attitudes are their Achilles Heels. They were too caught up on being popular or being hood to worry about school. School is only good for socializing, a free meal, and smoking weed or vaping in the bathroom.

So here I type and hold back tears. I need to leave this profession. While the salary is great, my need for sanity is greater. My soul is in tatters. My spirit is battered. My body aches every day. I’m tired from all the emotional lifting. I need a nap every time I come home.

I pray I can transition into a position that will restore my joy. Teachers need joy, not just students. We need a reason to keep doing what we’re doing. We need a reason to keep returning to the classroom. I’ve done it for twenty years. I want my joy to return.